Recommendations for the care of your Stacculent.
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Stacculents should be watered exclusively with tea, rain, or distilled water. Tears of happiness are acceptable in a pinch.
Always have cereal, jelly beans, or mini marshmallows available for snacking during the night. Nobody likes a hangry Stacc!
Use a damp velvet cloth if your Stacculent has soiled itself.
Use positive reinforcement only. Stacculents lack respect for authority and become withdrawn with any harshness.
Stacculents prefer bright, natural light. Or the glow of a lava lamp.
While Stacculents may be defensive against other house pets at first, a proper introduction will go a long way. Make sure to include tea time (with marshmallows).
Stacculents may release a noxious odor if scared. And be warned, though cute and whimsical, they can harbor a surprising amount of gas!
If the vessel is damaged, use your favorite teapot, mug, or your first born’s shoe as a replacement.
Stacculents enjoy a short, personalized song sung to them daily. Topics of cereal, jelly beans, tea, and ceramic glazes are a good choice.
Hoarding of tiny, shiny items, and sweets.
Favorite activities include teapot lounging, eavesdropping, sunbathing, disco dancing, and hydrating.
Fiercely defensive of territory, fellow Staccs, and any family members.
Colorful, flamboyant, and without shame.
Some Staccs lack a fully formed vessel, topper, or body. This is a normal mutation, but can make hiding treasure more difficult. Try not to stare too much.
Stacculents enjoy perusing vintage items and antiquing. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t?
Do not water after midnight (exceptions for Were-ullents; see below).
If you’ve had an argument with your Stacculent or insulted it (by doing something like giving it tap water or sugar free candy), an offering of miniature ceramic animals can help rebuild trust.
If you ignore your Stacculent for too long, they may decide to leave and find another home. If they were very devoted to you, they may shrivel up and wait to be rehydrated by your tears of regret.
The Stacculent will make every effort to become housetrained, but you may find the occassional accident in your shoes or under pillows. Revenge soiling may also occur. Stacculents are fickle creatures.
Stacculents are fond of most music. But please, no Creed or Nickelback unless you don’t mind retaliatory flatulence.
Rarely, a Were-ullent may emerge. Place immediately in the light of the moon and provide offerings of Chamomile tea after midnight. Organic bone broth, two day old coffee, or matcha is also acceptable. Cover with an empty shoe box during the daytime, and NEVER peek. NEVER PEEK! Were-ullents sing a haunting song during the full moon to lure in spiders and bugs to their doom (or to add to their insect army, though you probably, hopefully, won’t have to worry about that part).